Her Personal Sun
by MsDeacs
Summary: What if Bella never jumped off the cliff? What if she chose a different path? Bella and Jacob pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

 **Author's note: I wrote this piece of fiction to explore what would happen if Bella had chosen Jacob over Edward. What would happen if Bella had decided to lift herself out of her depression in New Moon and by doing so, travel down a far healthier path? I've tried to keep Bella's voice as true to the books as possible. Reviews welcome :)**

Chapter One - The Cliff

I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath... And I looked down.

Had I gone insane? Had I finally, finally lost it?

The waves splashed threateningly far below me. Yet, absurdly, I was still tempted to jump. _Just to hear his voice again..._ I could almost hear him already. The way his velvet voice would scold me, how it would order me to stop this madness _._ Instinctively my body took another step forward.

I froze. Did my own life mean so little to me? Was I really so eager to hurt myself like this? To hurt Charlie? To hurt Jake?

Hadn't I put them through enough?

I hesitated, but still the waves below were dangerously inviting. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I could do this. I could walk away.

I exhaled slowly. "Goodbye, Edward." I whispered to the wind, his name stinging in my throat.

I pulled myself away then and stumbled blindly to my truck. My hands were shaking when I put the keys in the ignition. I drove down the path with tears brimming in my eyes. The hole inside me ached but I ignored it.

I don't know how long it took me to get home. I don't remember getting out of my truck, or flinging myself on the bed - but that's where I was when Jacob found me.

"Bells? Honey?" He murmured, shaking my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asked, his voice filled with concern.

Suddenly I was sick of everyone being so concerned about me all the time.

"Yes. Yes I am." I said as brightly as I could. "What about you? Is everything alright?"

Jake hesitated, he glanced nervously at the floor. "We lost _her._ She took off into the water - the bloodsuckers have the advantage there. I went looking for you at the beach, you spend so much time there..." He trailed off and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God you were here though!"

I smiled feebly back at him but my mind was back to looking over at the waves again.

 _She took off into the water..._

My heart turned to ice in my chest. If I had jumped I would have made it all too easy for her. A shiver crawled up my spine, I shuddered and Jake noticed - the way he noticed everything - his face burrowed into a frown.

"Bells, are you sure you're okay?" He said.

I nodded frantically, wiping a tear from my cheek. "I'm just incredibly lucky, that's all."

Jake took my hand reassuringly and then he cleared his throat, "I have some bad news though Bella."

I sat up straighter. Immediately paying attention.

"It's Harry Clearwater. Harry had a heart attack this morning."

"Harry?" I shook my head, trying to absorb what he was saying. "Oh no! Does Charlie know?"

"Yeah. He's over there, too, with my dad."

"Is Harry going to be okay?"

Jacob's eyes tightened. "It doesn't look so great right now."

I felt sick to the stomach. And to think, I had almost jumped off a cliff this afternoon! I tried to imagine what would have happened if I had...how much more Charlie would have to worry about. What a stupid time to be reckless.

"What can I do?" I asked.

Outside the rain thundered and the rain pounded harder on the roof.

"You can stay here." Jacob said decidedly. "I don't think Charlie would appreciate it if you went driving out into the middle of a hurricane."

I said nothing, Jacob was right. I didn't need to cause Charlie any more concern. I would simply prepare some food and make the house comfortable for when he returned.

From in front of me Jacob stood up and stretched.

"Wait, you're not leaving, are you?" I asked.

"Victoria's still out there, Bells. We still need to patrol, protect the borders."

"Do you really think she'll try something tonight? In the middle of this storm?"

Jacob paused for a moment before replying, clearly in thought. "I guess not..."

"Then stay here." I said.

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "But Charlie..."

"Charlie loves you." I cut in. "Besides, I'll make up a bed for you on the sofa."

I could tell from the look in his eyes, he was tempted. For a brief second I felt a pang of guilt.

"Well..." He said slowly, "It would be easier to protect you if I'm only a few rooms away."

He smiled his sunny smile, my smile. "Okay then."

I felt relief flood through me. Jake would be staying the night, I wondered briefly if having him here would help keep the nightmares away. The same way he seemed to help with everything else.

I shook away the thought.

As Jake went outside to let the rest of his pack know where he would be, I busied myself with setting up his sofa-bed and cleaning the kitchen. By the time he got back I had already started making some lasagna.

"Wow, Bella! That smells good." Jake said as he wandered back into the kitchen.

"It's Charlie's favourite." I replied.

Jacob chatted affably away as I pottered around the kitchen, although I knew he was just as worried about Charlie's return as I was. Still, it was nice to hear Jacob talk, he had a knack for making any dull topic interesting. He discussed school, the pack, the motorbikes...there was no subject off limits to Jacob. I listened intently, enjoying the passion and enthusiasm that he managed to put into every word.

Then we heard Charlie's car in the driveway.

Charlie trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I knew then that the worst had happened. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.

"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad."

"I'm really going to miss him." He mumbled.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I let him pass me and into the house. He didn't seem too surprised to see Jake there. But I saw his eye twitch a little when he saw the blankets on the sofa.

"I hope you don't mind, but I invited Jake to stay tonight." I said quietly.

Charlie made an attempt at a smile. "Sure kid, you know you're always welcome here. Does Billy know?"

Jake nodded solemnly.

Soon the three of us were in the kitchen eating dinner, and Jake and Charlie reminisced about Harry. Charlie spoke at length of their fishing trips together, Jake remembered the year that Harry had dressed up as Santa for Christmas and how all the kids knew it was him. I watched the two of them raise their glasses to Harry Clearwater. I raised my glass too, even though I knew I did not share even a fraction of their grief. Again I found myself glad that Jacob was here, to help Charlie with his mourning. Jacob could always find some light in the dark...

Hours passed and eventually Charlie went to bed. I knew that I should follow suit, my eyes were barely staying open as it was. Jake made himself comfortable - or as comfortable as possible - on the sofa, and I had to suppress a smile when I saw just how far his legs dangled off the edge.

 _Be happy._ A voice whispered in my head.

I froze.

But the voice, the impossibly perfect voice, had gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Two - The Pack

The next morning Jake and I got up early to drive down to La Push. As we left the first rays of sun were breaking through a cloudy sky. The morning air was fresh and I could smell the cleanness in the air.

As we drove Jacob hummed to himself, he gazed out of the truck window. His fingers tapping along to an imaginary beat. He seemed content.

"Jacob, how do you do it?" I said.

Jacob frowned, "Do what?"

"Stay so happy all the time." I murmured.

He tilted his head to the side in an almost wolf-like fashion. "I don't know." He shrugged. "I have a lot to be thankful for, I guess."

For a brief second, I envied him. He made everything sound so simple! I bit my lip in thought, or maybe everything was really that simple. Maybe it was only me that made it complicated.

"You'll have to show me how you do it." I whispered, Clutching my stomach without thinking.

Jacob watched me silently after that, and soon we pulled up outside Emily's. The rest of the wolf-pack were already there.

When Jacob hoped out of the truck Jared and Embry slapped him on the back.

"Man, are we glad to see you!" Embry exclaimed.

"Paul's been in a foul mood since last night. He was really angry when you didn't show up for patrol." Jared said, grinning.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Sam understood." He said simply.

"Don't worry man, I get it." Embry jeered, winking at me.

I couldn't help it, I blushed.

Jacob punched Embry's shoulder. "Come on, let's get inside. Don't want to make Paul any angrier."

Embry and Jared immediately rushed to get inside, shouting and scuffling as they went. The three of them - Embry, Jared and Jake - fitted so perfectly together. They were a family, a pack...and I was an intruder. Jake made to follow them but I stood still. I had this feeling, almost like a premonition, that if I followed Jake into the cabin today that things would change. That I would change.

I wasn't sure if I was ready for that.

Jacob held out his hand to me. "You coming?" He said cheerfully.

I looked at his hand; welcoming, warm and a beautiful shade of brown. Hesitantly, I placed my hand in his and let his fingers curled around mine.

Jacob beamed at me and I couldn't help but smile too.

Together we went inside.

...

Emily's kitchen was exactly as it was last time. Small, cosy and crammed full with rowdy Quillette boys. Silence descended on them when Jake and I walked in though.

Sam's face remained placid. He merely nodded in acknowledgement of our arrival and then continued speaking.

He was recounting in excruciating detail their past few patrols. I winced every time he mentioned their getting close to Victoria. Despite their wolf sizes, I still didn't think that they could beat her. But, oh, how I wish they would...

"When we last saw her she was standing on the edge of the cliff-"

Sam's words tore me out of my own jumbled thoughts. "When?" I demanded.

All of their faces turned to look at me.

Sam's brow creased. "Last night, around ten o'clock, why?"

I could feel the colour drain out of my face...she was following me then, or following my scent at least. Suddenly my clothes and even my skin felt tainted. Was the smell of my blood really that strong? Even to Victoria?

I groaned. "I was there...on the cliff, I mean. Only a few hours earlier. She's following me."

Sam seemed to understand immediately, but I saw confusion in some of the other pack's expressions.

"My blood has a rather strong scent to Vampires." I explained as casually as I could. "She's tracking my scent. It's how they hunt."

I felt Jake's grip tighten around my hand, which was odd as I hadn't realized that we were still holding hands. It was oddly comforting.

"Some vampires are better at it than others." I went on. "James - Victoria's mate - was called a tracker. It was a special talent of his." I was surprised at how calmly I was talking about all this. How little pain it was causing me. "But now she's caught my scent I imagine it'll be easier for her to find me. Not that she didn't already know where I was to begin with."

"If the bloodsucker is following Bella, like Bella says, we should start patrolling the places that Bella hangs out at the most." Jacob said slowly. "The school, her work, the beach, her house..."

Embry sniggered at the mention of my house, although he quickly turned it into a cough.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his tired eyes. "Well, it's worth a shot. Let's hope we get the damn leech this time." He grumbled.

As one each of the Quillettes stood up, Jake's grip slackened and I could feel him pull away. Already I could feel the absence of him.

"You'll be careful Jake, won't you?" I said quietly.

Jacob grinned at me again. "It's okay, Bells. I'll be back before you know it!"

Then he enveloped me in one of his bear hugs. The warmth of his body against mine was so comforting. When he let go I almost whimpered at the loss.

From behind him Embry and Jared smirked.

Jake ignored them, instead he reached out and gently stroked a strand of my hair. "I'll see you soon. Promise."

I nodded weakly and within seconds the Wolfpack was gone.

Emily and I were alone.

I turned to look at her and saw my own fear mirrored in her face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

 **Author's note: I'm sorry for the slow build up! But I'm going somewhere with this... I promise!**

Chapter Three - The Scars

Conversation did not flow easily between Emily and I. To be honest, I didn't know what to say. So I merely watched her as she pottered about the kitchen, cleaning up after the mess the boys had made.

After a while the silence became too much to bear.

"Can I help with something?" I asked quietly.

Emily immediately stopped what she was doing, she dropped the kitchen towel on the side and faced me. Her arms were crossed and I regretted saying anything at all.

"Yes." She said, "You can tell me something."

I held my breath anxiously.

"What are you doing? With Jake, I mean." She demanded. "He's risking his life for you. He loves you, I think. Do you even care?"

I winced. I knew how this all must seem, it would look as though I was using Jacob to fill the void inside of me. Like I was using his light to make myself just a little brighter. Like I was leading him on.

And wasn't I?

I knew how he felt about me, yet I kept doing this to him...I kept coming back.

But I needed him. I loved him, just maybe not in the way he wanted me too.

Not yet anyway.

Emily's eyes narrowed at me and I knew exactly what she saw. She saw a spoilt, selfish little girl and she was right - that's exactly what I was.

"Of co-course I care." I stuttered. "I care about Jacob very much and I don't want to hurt him..." My voice trailed away into nothingness. Maybe I should leave him alone. It wasn't fair on him.

Emily sat down at the kitchen table and sighed. "Of course, it's none of my business." She said, "But they're my family now and I feel very protective of those boys."

Hesitantly, I sat down opposite her. Throughout this entire conversation I hadn't even noticed the jagged scars that ran down her face. I was wrong before, I thought, her scars didn't make her ugly...if anything they highlighted the beauty she had.

"What I'm saying is..." She continued, "Be careful with him." She regarded me with her dark, soulful eyes and I nodded.

She made us drinks and after that conversation passed more easily between us, although I could tell she was still wary of me. I didn't blame her. I hoped that she would warm to me eventually though, I liked Emily. She was open and honest...a part of me wished I could be more like her.

Eventually the topic of James and Victoria came up.

"So your vampire, Edward, killed her mate James then, did he?" She asked.

To my surprise, I didn't flinch at the sound of his name.

"Yeah, when James realized what I meant to...the Cullens..." Just because I could hear his name didn't mean I wanted to say it. "He went out of his way to kill me. It was a game for him. He came close to winning as well." I held up my hand that bore the white, ice-cold scar from my encounter. Emily gasped.

"You got bitten!" She exclaimed.

I nodded glumly. "They had to suck the venom out."

She leaned back in her chair, awe and terror mingled in her expression. Then she laughed darkly. "We both have scars then."

"Did we really expect anything else when we agreed to hang out with mythological creatures?" I mused.

She flashed a grin at me and then held up her coffee cup. "To scars and mythological creatures." She said.

Cautiously I lifted my cup to meet hers. "To scars and mythological creatures." I said.

We sipped our drinks and silence passed between us again but this time it wasn't uncomfortable at all. I smiled to myself and thought maybe, just maybe, I had made a friend here today.

...

Jacob and his brothers arrived early evening. By that time, Emily and I had already prepared all the food.

Jacob grinned at me when he came in, and once again I was stunned by how very bright his smile was.

We all ate dinner together. It was a loud and rowdy affair. The brothers spoke at length of their adventures as wolves and Emily would occasionally chime in to scold them for their reckless behaviour.

Jacob sat beside me, occasionally he would gently place his hand on my leg reassuringly. Makings sure I was okay. A week or so ago it would have bothered me, but for some unfathomable reason it didn't.

Eventually dinner finished and one by one members of the pack left, either to patrol or go home and get some sleep.

Jake escorted me to my truck.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?" He asked nervously.

I laughed, "I'm not that helpless Jacob!"

He looked at me as though he wasn't so sure but hanged the topic anyway. "I'm patrolling tonight but that means I'll be free tomorrow. That is, if you would like to see me?"

The uncertainty in his voice surprised me. "Of course I would Jacob!"

He practically gleamed at me and took my hand. "We'll I'll try and think of something to do." He said, "I think the motorbikes are on the back burner for the moment though, Bells."

I nodded in agreement. Motorbikes definitely were not on top of my to-do list right now.

"I'll try and think of something too." I said. After all, he couldn't be the only one putting an effort into this relationship...or whatever this was.

He grinned and did something that took me completely aback. He kissed my forehead.

"Drive safely, Bella." He mumbled, his cheeks flushing red. And then he turned hastily back to Emily's cabin.

I gently brushed my fingers over my cheeks. My own skin was hot. I was blushing too.

Trying not to think of what this might mean, I turned the keys in the truck and made my journey back home.

When I got there, I noticed Charlie had already gone to bed. He still wasn't right after what happened to Harry. I couldn't blame him.

I tip-toed to my room and sat on the bed for a moment. My eyes slowly roamed over everything that was there, and I realised that nothing had changed in the last six months.

My room had remained exactly the same as he last saw it. Not one thing had moved.

Like me.

Except... Except I had changed - or I was beginning to at least. Shouldn't my room reflect that?

An idea struck me then. I knew exactly what Jacob and I could do tomorrow.

I curled up in bed and pulled the quilt over my face and I knew that the nightmares would not be quite as strong tonight.

Because some scars were visible and some scars weren't. But of one thing I was now certain - all scars could eventually heal.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

 **Author's note: I wanted this chapter to explore Bella's personality a bit more, Jacob too but mostly Bella's.**

Chapter Four - The Art

"Bella, where are you?" Jacob's voice called.

"I'm in here!"

Jacob climbed over the mountains of stuff that I had piled in the hallway.

"Bells, why is your bed out here?" He paused when he reached my room, his mouth fell open.

I had emptied the room of all my belongings. My bed, desk, book case...everything. It was completely bare, aside from the dust sheet that I had spread across the floor and the numerous pots of paint that I had scattered around me.

"What's all this about?" He asked uncertainly.

I smiled feebly. "I need a change."

Jacob made his way into the bedroom. His eyes roaming the light blue walls before letting his gaze rest on me. "Why now?" He said.

My eyes met his and I felt my skin tingle.

"New room, new me." I said simply.

Jacob's face lit up and he barrelled towards the paint.

"Did Charlie get you all this?"

I laughed and nodded. Charlie had been ridiculously enthusiastic about my little project. He'd bought all the different colours of paint, he'd helped me move everything from out of my room, he'd practically skipped out of the house when I called Jake over.

"So, what do you want to do? Is there a colour scheme you have in mind or...?"

"I don't know!" I picked up some brushes and threw them at him. "Paint anything! I just want it to make me feel something when I look at it, y'know?"

Jacob nodded and then, without any more prompting, he began.

It was incredible to watch him. It was like seeing him fix the bikes all over again, I could never get over how his large hands could so gracefully complete the nimblest of parts.

"Where did you learn to paint like that Jacob?" I asked.

He didn't break away from the painting when he answered me. "When I was a kid I would spend hours sketching things...what with Dad being in a wheelchair and mum being gone...well, I had to learn to occupy myself. You should see my wooden carvings! Plus I just like making things, I like that feeling of creating something."

Of course he would, I thought to myself, Jacob put as much of himself out into the world as he could. Every single thing he made was another piece of himself that he shared with the rest of us. I was lucky to have someone so passionate in my life.

"What about you, Bells?" He said, "I swear we're always doing stuff I like. Like fixing up the bikes or hanging out with my friends. What do you like doing?"

For a horrible, terrifying moment, I had nothing to say. My mind went completely blank. What _did_ I like doing? It seemed like I didn't do much these days. Not since Edward. My stomach clenched and instinctively I wrapped my arm around myself. _Think!_ I urged myself, _think of before Edward!_

The pain faded almost instantly. "I like cooking." I said quietly. "It calms me down...And I like reading."

Jacob still had his eyes focused on the wall, he missed my momentary lapse of pain. "Oh yeah? What kind of books?"

"The classics mostly; Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice -"

"Romances then?" Jacob snorted.

I scowled. "Not just romances, I like fantasy books too. You know like, old fairy tales with mermaids and fairies and werewolves." I put a little emphasis on the last word, hoping that I sounded a little teasing.

It worked. Jacob turned around to face me, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Oh really?" He said, still grinning. "And what exactly do your books say about werewolves?"

"Oh the usual...only that they are very dangerous. That you should never trust them around a full moon and they are deathly allergic to silver." I paused, I wanted to say something else...something funny, I wanted him to smile because of me. "And that if you are ever to cook them a steak, you need to give it to them _extra_ rare."

Jacob faltered for a moment. Looking at me in shock, and then the most glorious grin spread out across his face. It reminded me of the sun breaking through the clouds.

"Bella Swan..." He said in a mock-serious tone. "Did you just tell a joke?"

I said nothing, embarrassment prevented me from nodding. Then he laughed, and it was such a rich and warm sound that my embarrassment melted away into nothingness.

"That was awful!" He chuckled, "Like, really, really bad!"

He went back to his painting but he didn't stop grinning.

I learnt something in that moment. I liked making Jacob Black happy.

...

The day passed with ease, we ate and we talked but mostly we painted. Jacob painted the walls of my room while I repainted my desk and bookcase.

I wanted everything to look different, to be brighter.

And it did.

I don't know how Jacob did it...but he did. Three of my four walls were now a dark cream colour instead of the light blue I was so used to..but one of the walls, the wall which stood opposite my bed, was now a mural. Jacob had painted a forest on my wall and the longer I looked at it, the more I was amazed by it. There was so much detail, the way the light shone through the leaves of the trees just right, the way the clouds in the sky appeared so real, the tiny path running through the wood...everything was just so...so...

"Incredible." I murmured.

"Do you like it?" Jacob asked nervously, his hands behind his back. "Tell me if it's too much and I'll go over it."

"It's perfect." I whispered, and then I flung my arms around his neck. "Oh Jacob, it's perfect! I love it so much!"

Cautiously, Jacob wrapped his arm around my waist, as if afraid that moving too quick would startle me. And again I became aware of just how warm he was...how safe.

He sighed contentedly into my hair I knew I should pull away from him. But I couldn't - I didn't want to.

I wondered briefly who I was hurting more by doing this, me or Jacob?

I breathed in his smell, the smell of fresh grass and sea salt. He was my best friend and I loved him but I was damaged...could there ever be something more?

I disentangled myself from him and I gazed at his face. His dark chocolate eyes were watching me intently..hopefully. And I realized that Jacob was a little like the art he loved so much, every time you looked at him you could see something new. Right now as I was looking at him I didn't just see my friend, I didn't just see my safe harbour...I saw a man, I saw a lover.

Yes, there definitely could be something more.

But I didn't have to make that decision today.

"Come on." I said taking his hand. "Let's have some food while we're waiting for the paint to dry."

He grinned his wolfish grin. "Do you have any steak?"

I laughed and punched his shoulder.

It didn't matter if I didn't make the decision today, I thought, as long as I could still make Jake smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

 **Author's Note: Thank you for all the kind reviews! It's really very encouraging :)**

Chapter Five - The Wolf

I lay awake in bed long after Jacob had gone home. My head whirring with thoughts. Dangerous thoughts, the kind I hoped I had buried.

For the first time in months I thought of Edward, and it ached, though not nearly as much as I thought it would.

I remembered what it was like to be with him, to feel loved and protected by him...to be lost in him.

I had lost myself when I was with him. I knew that now.

I had been so blown away by his beauty and his mystery that somewhere along the road...I had forgotten who I was. My interests soon changed into his interests, my family and friends had disappeared into the background while his family took priority. I had become so immersed in his fantastical world I completely ignored what was so wonderful about my own.

A part of me still loved Edward, I knew that. But he was like the moon; still, perfect, and unchanging...and a part of him would always be hidden from me.

My eyes flickered to the mural that Jacob had painted.

If Edward was the moon, then Jacob was the sun. Giving light, sharing warmth and helping me grow.

He was helping me find myself. Without even trying, Jacob was reminding me of all the the things I had loved about my world before Edward had arrived in it. He was reminding me of the joys of being human.

Something I hadn't wanted to be in a long time.

I turned over onto my side, my eyes were growing heavy and I couldn't keep up with my train of thought for much longer and so I welcomed sleep.

And I had no nightmares.

...

The next day Jacob surprised me after school. As Jessica, Mike and I wandered into the car park he was already there, waiting beside his motorbike. Waiting for me.

"Are you two, like, together now?" Jessica whispered beside me.

"We er...haven't labelled it." I said, as vaguely as I could.

Jessica snorted. "Well, if I were you, I would start labelling it. A guy like that won't stay single for long."

For a moment I was confused by what Jessica meant, but then I noticed all the stares that Jacob was getting. There didn't seem to be one girl within our radius that wasn't oggling at him.

I guess I'd spent so much time with him that I sometimes forgot how incredibly attractive he was.

As I watched all the different girls from my school gape at him I suddenly felt a little angry, although I knew I had no right to be. Still, I picked up my pace as I walked towards him, waving goodbye to Jess and Mike as I went.

"Hey Jake. I didn't realize we had plans today."

Jacob grinned cheerfully. "We didn't. But I kind of hoped you'd want to come with me anyway."

I felt my cheeks go pink. "Sure. Of course I will."

His grin widened. "Awesome." He and then he chucked me a motorcycle helmet.

"Hop on the back."

My eyes widened.

"Calm down Bells, all you have to do is hold on to me and tilt when I tilt, okay?"

I slammed the helmet on over my head and jumped gracelessly onto the back seat.

"Okay..." I mumbled nervously.

Jacob chuckled and before I could register anything else, we were speeding out of Forks.

...

I had never been to La Push beach at dusk before but it was truly one of the most stunning things I had ever seen. The way the sun seemed to slowly sink into the water and how the waves rippled in delight to receive it.

"Jacob, why are we here?"

I felt him appear beside me, he pointed toward the end of the beach where I could faintly see a fire flickering.

"Tribe party." He whispered close to my ear.

My heart juddered at the feel of his warm breath on my neck. Wordlessly I followed him toward his pack.

It was like the last time, the elders sat in a circle as the fire cast dramatic shadows over their faces. Billy was already halfway through one of the Quillette legends when we sat down. It was a surreal experience sitting in that circle, feeling connected to something so much bigger than myself.

We all sat in a mesmerised silence as Billy recalled the tales with a pristine clarity, and as he spoke the flames grew higher and the sky grew darker. Night had crept over us.

"It is a sacred bond that we Quillettes share." Billy said quietly. "The bond between man and wolf, the bond we have with each other and with nature. We must never forget that."

I glanced over at Jacob, he was listening to his father so intently. His dark eyes almost squinting in focus, only when Billy had finished did he turn to look at me.

"I know it's a bit corny." He said.

"It's not corny at all."

Around us people were beginning to disperse, until only the main pack remained.

"Now this is what I really wanted you to see." Jacob murmured, his eyes glinting and then he got up and joined his brothers. His abrupt departure caught me off guard but he hadn't left me alone - Emily was soon standing next to me.

"What are they doing?" I asked.

"Having some fun." Emily replied simply, "Watch."

And so I did.

One by one each of the Quillette boys looked to the sky and then, they changed. Their bodies ripped open as they changed into wolves, the way a butterfly might break free from it's cocoon. Though I had seen this many times before it still took my breath away.

My gaze belonged to the red wolf.

He was large, his eyes were practically black, and his gigantic paws padded the sand softly. The creature turned to look at me, and I thought I could see a smile on the wolfs mouth.

"Jacob..." I breathed.

Then, without warning, the wolves lunged at each other and I could not contain my shriek of surprise.

"Relax, they're just playing." Emily said.

It was difficult to believe as I watched them pin each other ruthlessly to the ground, their teeth knashing ferociously, but after a while I noticed a sort of grace to their movements as they leapt through the air and clawed at one another.

Mostly I stared at Jacob and I knew it was not my bias when I noted how much quicker and stronger he was than the rest of them - except for maybe Sam.

"He's good, isn't he?" Emily asked, as if reading my thoughts.

"Incredible." I agreed.

One of the wolves - Jared I think - whimpered at a slightly rough bite but was soon in the middle of the fray again. From beside me Emily winced.

"How do you stand it?" I asked. "Worrying about Sam all the time?"

Emily sighed and regarded me with solemn eyes. "I won't tell you it's easy, I won't lie to you like that, but I will tell you that it's worth it. Every second." She exhaled. "Even when I am up all night fearing for his life, it doesn't matter because when he comes home I am able to share in his victories and his losses...I am able to share that part of his life with him."

She turned back to the wolves, it appeared as though they were beginning to tire now.

"And if you could change him?" I asked. "If you could make him human?"

Emily's nostrils flared. "Sam is the wolf and the wolf is him, they are the same thing. Just not always at the same time. Taking away the wolf would be just like taking away his lungs, how could he live without it?"

I didn't know what to say to that.

"And how about you? Would you take away the wolf from Jacob?" She demanded.

I thought about Jacob before the wolf took hold, he wasn't as serious then. He was more carefree...but since joining the pack. Well, the difference was astonishing. He had more confidence in himself, he had a bond with the other boys that I couldn't even begin to understand and on top of all that, he had a purpose. Besides, he was still the same Jake at heart.

When I looked at Jacob I saw the very best of nature. I couldn't imagine snuffing that connection out.

I shook my head. "No I don't think I would."

Emily smiled, and once again I was struck by how very radiant she was. "Bella Swan, there may just be hope for you yet."

I realized then that the sound of snarling had stopped. Emily gently grabbed my arm.

"Come on, they need to change back and they'll want their privacy." She said pulling me in the direction of Jacob's motorbike.

It didn't take long for the pack to catch up with us, and when they did they were all fully clothed. Thank God.

Jake and I said our goodbyes and we left quickly. I didn't want Charlie up all night worrying about me.

We parked the motorbike just a little way up the road from my house and Jacob walked me to my door.

"So," He said quietly. "What did you thing? Are you glad I took you or...?"

I smiled shyly. "I don't think I appreciated just how strong the pack is until tonight Jake, or how dangerous."

His eyes widened in alarm. "I didn't scare you did I Bella? Please say I didnt-" His voice grew louder in his panic and I had to press my hand over his mouth to quiet him.

"No, it's a relief actually." I said in hushed tones. "Hopefully I won't worry about you and the pack against Victoria quite as much now."

I felt his face relax beneath my fingertips. I dropped my hand to my side.

"So you don't think I'm monstrous?" He asked.

I shrugged, "No more than I did yesterday."

He breathed a visible sigh of relief.

"I love every part of you Jacob, the monster and the man."

And as I said it, I knew it was true.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters' belonging to it. The Twilight Saga in it's entirety belongs rightfully to Stephenie Meyer.**

 **Author's Note: Thank you again for all the reviews :) I'm glad that people are enjoying it! Like I said before I'm trying to keep Bella's voice as authentic and true to the book as possible while at the same time trying to have her distance her self from Edward and all his "dazzling." I must admit it's much harder than I thought! Regardless, it's a fun little project so thank you again for all the lovely feedback :)**

Chapter Six - The Kiss

Sometimes love hits you like a bulldozer, taking the wind out of you and leaving you powerless to it.

Sometimes love creeps up on you, slowly making roots in your soul until it has you in its hold completely.

No two loves are the same.

...

Jacob gawked at me.

"You love me?" He whispered.

Dread swept through me. I shouldn't have said anything, I didn't want to break his heart...I didn't want my own heart to be broken, not now, not when it was so nearly healed.

"Bella, you just said you loved me?" His voice was low, husky even.

I couldn't do this. Not here, not now.

"I do Jacob, I really do." I said quietly. "But I need...time. I just need a little time, please."

He bit his lip. "Okay, I'll wait."

He pressed his mouth against my forehead and his touch was like fire.

"Just don't keep me waiting long, okay Bells?"

Then he turned, hopped on his bike and was gone.

I stood there for a while, the feel of his kiss still lingering on my skin.

When I finally made it back to my room I didn't go to bed, not straight away at least. I went to my bookcase. I used to read books all the time, I used to turn to them for comfort and advice. Right now it seemed as though I needed both. I ran my hand along their spines as I struggled to pick one. Eventually my hands rested on my weathered copy of "Sense and Sensibility."

I opened the cover and the pages greeted me like old friends.

...

Jacob was waiting for me when I finished school the next day, only this time he didn't have his motorbike. He leaned up against my truck and smiled tentatively at me when I approached.

"Hey Bells." He said softly.

It was as if last night's conversation still dangled between us.

"Hey..." I murmured.

"I had an idea for today." Jake said, "if you're still up for it."

"Still up for what?" I asked.

Jacob smiled and it was his sunny smile. The smile that lit up the world.

"Cliff diving."

I didn't say anything, flashes of my near-jump experience sped through my mind. It would be different though, with Jake by my side. I walked round and got in my truck, Jacob's eyes following me nervously. I opened the passenger door.

"Get in." I said.

We didn't drive all the way to the top of the cliff, instead stopping at the halfway point. It was still incredibly high.

"The weather is good today." Jake said, "The water is calm and not likely to change for a few hours at least." He paused, "You're okay to leave your clothes in the truck aren't you? I put some towels on the beach for us earlier but we'll have to come back for the truck and clothes anyway."

I froze. "My clothes?"

Jake chuckled, "You weren't planning on jumping in fully clothed were you Bells?"

I honestly hadn't thought about it.

Jacob began to take of his shirt and his shoes. "Don't worry, I'll keep on my pants." He winked jokingly at me. Within second Jake was wearing nothing but his boxers. I tried not to stare but I'd forgotten how sculpted he was and how his skin was practically golden...

"Are you seriously planning on jumping in dressed like that?" He asked.

"Erm... No, just give me a minute. I'll meet you by the edge."

Jacob beamed and jumped out the truck, leaving me to undress. For such a simple task, I sure was flustered by it. I couldn't remember the buttons on my shirt being so fiddly this morning and my trousers definitely weren't that awkward to get off before. But eventually I was down to just my bra and knickers, unfortunately I had not had the foresight to wear matching underwear.

I siddled out of the truck and went to stand beside Jacob, careful to make sure my arm was covering my stomach.

How pale I must look beside him, I thought.

Still, his eyes lit up when he saw me and I felt slightly less conscious.

"Okay, so I'm going to jump first ad then when you see me bob up wait for my signal and then you can jump too, alright?"

I peered over the edge, the waves beneath us were non-existent. The cool blue water invited us in. I could feel my heart pump with adrenalin and I was excited to do this. I wanted to fly, if only for a moment.

"No." I said.

Jacob's eyebrows rose in astonishment.

"Let's jump in together."

"Together?"

I nodded and his eyes glinted with delight.

"Okay then, together." He said and he took my hand.

My face broke out into a smile, a real smile, we were going to do this. Jake and I were going to jump off a cliff.

The sun watched us from above and the sea welcomed us below. The earth felt all too solid beneath my bare feet.

"One...two...THREE!"

And just like that we were flying but our hands never let go, not even for a second.

I screamed as we plummeted through the air, the wind rushing past my face. Jacob yelled too, a yell of excitement.

Then it was all over. We crashed into the water feet first and we dropped deeper into the ocean.

As if by instinct Jacob pulled me too him, even in the water his body radiated heat. He kicked his feet and in a few short seconds I could breathe again.

I gasped, water clung to my eyelashes, blurring my vision.

"That was amazing!" I breathed, my heart in my throat.

Jacob laughed and I remembered that he was still holding me. Naked skin against naked skin.

Abruptly he pulled away. "Come on, let's get you home."

As we swam back to shore I realised something, I hadn't heard Edward's voice when we jumped. And I should have, what with all the adrenalin pumping through me. Maybe the reason I wasn't hearing his voice any more was because I didn't need to.

The thought was oddly comforting.

We drove back to Charlie's still buzzing on the excitement. Jacob told me of the first time he jumped and of how scared he was.

"Honestly, you were so calm." He said, "I was really impressed!"

We pulled up outside Charlie's house.

"Where's Charlie's car?" Jake asked.

I shrugged, "He tends to work late on Tuesday's. He won't be home til midnight."

"Oh." Jacob looked at me awkwardly. "Well, I guess I'd better go then."

He leaned in for a hug goodbye and his warm cheek pressed against the top of my hair.

It occurred to me then, if I turned my face to the side - if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder...I knew without a doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

But could I do it? Could I open up my heart again? Could I trust Jacob with my love?

Yes.

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I turned my head.

My lips brushed his shoulder gently - oh so gently - and his entire body stiffened beside me. He cast his questioning eyes into mine and I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the affection I felt for him. Hesitantly he lifted my chin with his hand but I didn't need encouragement. I wanted Jacob to know how much I wanted him - needed him. That this was my choice.

Carefully I placed my hands on either sides of his face, he was so, so warm.

I gazed at his face for a moment, he was beautiful.

I took a deep, shuddering breath and then I leaned in.

I kissed him with an urgency I didn't know I possessed and he returned in kind. His mouth enveloped mine and I found myself melted by its heat.

Jacob's hands tangled into my hair and he pulled me closer to him. I moulded my body against his feeling his chest beneath my own, feeling his heart beat ferociously against mine.

His tongue traced my lips as if he was tasting me and I trembled with pleasure when I realised that he probably was.

Passion, heat, excitement.

Kissing Jacob was like experiencing him in an entirely knew way.

And I didn't want it to stop.


End file.
